Black Moms Adopt is a blog about a black family along their adoption journey. The hope is to encourage black moms and families to adopt from foster care in the US.

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  • My Superhero Precious Boy

    My Superhero Precious Boy

    Precious Boy really enjoyed stories and being read to.  He would say his favorite books were about “superheroes, any heroes and even bad guys”.  A doctor once told me that is typical of children who are adopted to want to be superheroes.  (We can’t forget that Superman was adopted and that Spiderman lived with Aunt Em.)   I spent a lot of nights scouring the internet looking for books about superheroes.

    One night I found a website, StoryJumper, that you could use to make your own books.  I was so excited.  I made a book about his life modeled on Peter Parker’s (Spiderman’s) story.  The book names the important people in my son’s life like his parents, his first parents and our family and friends.  I found sketches of a superhero.  I just knew he’d be excited to color the superhero in and draw his face on it.  The pages were blank, so he could draw in and color important people in our life.  Or he could cut out and paste in photos.

    It turns out that PB has never shown any interest in coloring it whatsoever.  And PB has looked at the book only when I show it to him.  He seems excited about the idea in the moment.  All of the blank pages might be too much. Does the book make him sad.  I often wonder if it is hard thinking about some of the important people who are not around.  Does it remind him of his first parents? Does not remembering what they looked like upset him?  Or he could just not find it interesting. 

    I have asked him, but he doesn’t seem to have an answer.  Maybe he doesn’t want to disappoint me.  I realize that there is so much to learn about PB’s thoughts about his adoption experience. I realize that there is so much to learn about PB and his experiences. We are both learning.

    Bea Hopewell

    p.s. As much as Precious Boy enjoyed books, he was “a reluctant reader”.  Another parent suggested reading books with simple dialogue where we could take turns.  I got him to read Bird and Squirrel by James Burks with me.  Pretty soon he was reading about their adventures on his own.  Books about funny characters were also a hit.   (Think Pants for Chuck” by Pat SchoriesorBig Bad Bubble or Dragons Love Tacos by Adam Rubin.)

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • Forever My Family

    Forever My Family

    On a hot summer day, I welcomed my son to his “forever home.”  Precious Boy “came home” with two big cardboard boxes. They were filled with small clothes, a Spiderman action figure, and two thin paperback books that might have come from a giveaway.

    The social worker had forms and a few things to discuss in private. Precious Boy kept coming to me and interrupting.  I realize now PB probably felt alone and didn’t know what to expect. There were no other kids.  He was in a strange place after being in many strange places.  As the social worker drove away, I watched waving and saying I love you.   

    And then he turned to me. I asked PB what he wanted to call me.  He had a “Mommy” (his first mother) and a “Mami” from foster care.  He settled on “Mama”. I can still picture him looking at me with big eyes saying my new name.  He let me know how he pronounces his name–with great emphasis. 

    That afternoon was the start of the rest of our lives together.  So began the work of figuring out together how we would be a family.  Who would be to each other?  Maybe he wondered: Is this Mama going to be like my ‘dreamed of’ new Mommy?  Is this Mama going to be like my other mothers?  In time I would see: How is this son like my ‘dreamed of’ son?  How am I measuring up as a mother to my ‘dreamed of’ self as a mother? I am still finding out how being a mother in real life compares to my ideas of mothering and how I would be as a mother.  (I am clear that in my ‘dreamed of’ parenting, I was far better!)

    After many years of being an auntie, I found I had lots to learn about being a mother.  I am so thankful for my family and friends who have joined our family as aunties, uncles and cousins and “other mothers”.

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • And You Are…?

    And You Are…?

    Two months before the day Precious Boy (PB) came “home”, we met for first time at a playground. The social worker introduced me as a friend, “Miss Bea”.  PB was excited to climb on the monkey bars. Again and again, he squealed “hold me, hold me”.  Each time I answered, “I am here for you”. 

    We had 3-4 other visits and regular calls.  In our state, Social Services encourages the child and pre-adoptive family to get to know each before the child comes home (“the placement”).  There is supposed to be 1 week of getting to know you time for every year of the child’s life.  So, a five-year old might be placed 5 weeks after the placement decision is made.  (I was offered less time.  More on that later.) 

    One time when I came to pick PB up for an overnight visit from his childcare, the provider said “New Mommy is here to get you”.  She (not the social worker!) had already explained to him that he was going to have a new mommy.  (That’s another story!)  PB was adamant that I was not his new mommy.  Despite this, PB was still willing to come on the journey. The snack bribe might have helped.

    On the drive home, PB told me that New Mommy “doesn’t even know your name”. Maybe that was his way of saying, “I don’t know who you are either.  I am here with you, but New Mommy and I don’t really know about you.  Who are you?  Can I trust you?” At the time I didn’t think to ask about more about this “New Mommy”. What was her name?  What was she like?  Was she like the Easter Bunny? 

    As I think about it now, I imagine what it might be like as a child to be taken by people who are strangers.  When we got home that day, I heard him singing the ABCs.  When I asked him to sing again, he said, “maybe later”.  I could see PB was asserting that he had some control in the situation.  I had a lot to learn about my child and being his “New Mommy.”

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • A Life Book: Nice idea! Now what?

    A Life Book: Nice idea! Now what?

    Creating a Life Book seemed like a great way to help my child answer questions like: Who am I? Who are my people?  How did I come to be adopted?  How did we come to be a family?

    I was all excited to create a life book, until I got stuck!  What words should I use?  How should I make the life book?  Where would I get photos? What was too much information?  Should I include the birth certificate?  How could I make him feel special and loved? Should I handwrite it or print it?

    Again, late night searching to the rescue.  I relied on two authors, Beth O’Malley and Joy Rees for ideas about what to say and where to find the info.  A few tips really stayed with me.  Tell the story in order of the present, the past and future (Rees).  Speak positively about the child and the first parents.  Say what happened wasn’t because of anything the child did.  Convey there was a plan and who was involved like first parents, social workers, a judge and the adoptive family.  I decided to get binders and plastic inserts from Simple Stories. I printed messages and cut them to fit the page inserts. (*See Resources below.)

    Turns out Precious Boy really liked the Life Book. He loved seeing the photos. I was surprised that he did not seem to recognize his parents.  Maybe it had been too long since he had seen them.  Who knows?  We have read the life book many times.  He still keeps it by his bed.  There are blank pages so we can add to keep adding to his life story as he gets older.

    Bea Hopewell

    Resources

    Life Story Books for Adopted Children by Joy Rees http://thejoyoflifework.com/life-story-books/

    Lifebooks : Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child by Beth O’Malley https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B002BMOJWA

    Making History: A Social Worker’s Guide to Lifebooks by Joann Harrison, Elaine Campbell and Penny Chumbley https://manuals-sp-chfs.ky.gov/Resources/Related%20Resources%20Library/Making%20History-A%20Social%20Workers%20Guide%20to%20Life%20Books.pdf

    Simple Stories https://www.simplestories.com/collections/all

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • Life Book: Love Story

    Life Book: Love Story

    When Precious Boy (PB) first came home to live, he was sad at times. I figured he was missing his foster family.  Whenever I asked if he wanted to talk to them, he refused.  Three weeks later, I finally called the foster family.  PB was so happy to talk with them.  That made me wonder about contacting the first parents.  I did not know where they were.  Would that even have been the right thing to do? 

    I wasn’t sure how to help PB feel connected to his three families: Mommy and Daddy, his foster family and our family.  He liked knowing that he and his Mommy and Daddy each saw the same moon at night.  In one late night frantic online search session, I came across the idea of making a life book. Ooh yeah, arts and crafts time!

    I hoped the life story book would help my Precious Boy

    -honor and celebrate his story from birth to now.

    -take pride in himself and his families and his community

    -Feel loved and treasured.

    Most of all I wanted the life book to be a love story.  I wanted PB to know his story and that he was loved by his families and people in his life.  

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • Goodnight, Grief

    Goodnight, Grief

    I remember a friend who had adopted talking about three kinds of loss in adoption.  Children grieve the loss of their first parents and families.  The first parents grieve the loss of their child.  Adoptive parents grieve the loss of their child’s earlier life that they were not part of.  In my case, my decision to adopt made me grieve my own mother who I could not share my experience with.  I ached that she could not see her grandson and help take care of him—and me.  It turns out loss comes with grieving.  I have since learned that there are even more kinds of losses*.

    I just did not know what that loss and grief would look like for my child.  Was my Precious Boy thinking about ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’ when he looked like he was daydreaming?  Sometimes he shared memories like rescuing Mommy in a forest.  My son used to tell his teacher that he could not do his work because he was thinking about Mommy and Daddy.  She would say my take 2 minutes to think about them and then go back to work.  (Ugh!) Even though his first parents were not with us physically, the idea of them was always present. 

    Nighttime was the hardest.  Grief showed up just in time for bed.  Getting ready for bed took a long time. His slow pace was so frustrating. I was so worn out and tired after working all day.  At one point I had to tag in a friend to help.   I think now those were my son’s ways to avoid going to bed and being alone.

    Once we got to the bedroom, we could never read enough stories.  Then there were rituals to keep the monsters away.  The closet door had to be shut. The door to his room had to be open at a right angle. The mirror had to be covered, and nightlights in place. Darkness was so scary to my Precious Boy! 

    Once he got in bed, he would say he missed his first parents. He would repeat “I miss Mommy and Daddy” over and over and over again.  Sometimes he would cry and cry.  It seemed like an endless loop until he got tired and fell sleep. 

    My heart ached to see him in pain. I seemed like there was nothing I could do.  I tried talking, but he had no words.  A few times I asked if he could say anything to Mommy and Daddy, what would he like to say?  Nothing.  What can I do to help?  Nothing. Feeling powerless to help my child was the hardest. 

    Who knows what he was afraid of?  Did something happen?  A psychologist friend pointed out that nighttime is a time of separation.  It could be a reminder of loss and separation.  The same friend pointed out that at least he wanted stay connected.  I got a colorful string for each of us to hold and help us stay connected when I went to my bed.

    Grief reminds me of a fire in a fireplace.  Sometimes it is roaring. Other times the fire dies down to a few embers that at any moment flare up.  I am just glad we can be with each other through our grieving.  I am thankful for my community for help and guidance. I also think about my son’s first parents and how they must feel.

    *Check out “Seven Core Issues in Adoption” by Sharon Kaplan Roszia and Deborah Silverstein to learn more about loss in adoption.

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • Adoption Speak

    Adoption Speak

    Adoption has its own language and words and names.   In adoption speak in America, we are a “forever family”.  My precious boy “came home” to his “forever home”.   Speaking about a forever can help a child feel rooted as they try to make sense of a big change and move. (A “forever home” sure sounds better than an ‘adoption placement’.)

    You’ll find there is more than one word for the same thing.  In some states in the U.S., there is a department of child welfare.  Other states have child protective services or departments of children and families.  Children may have social workers or resource workers. I even had terms.  At first, I was “a pre-adoptive parent” and then “an adoptive parent”.  A child who was adopted is an adoptee. There are birth parents and first parents. Some people use biological parents. People look for terms to honor the roles of the important people in children’s lives and along their adoption journey. 

    Adoption language has changed over time.  There are many reasons why we use some words and no longer use others. Our society’s values and understanding have changed about what children need. We know more about adoption.  Adopted adults have spoken up.   People have advocated for change. We realize over time that some terms feel hurtful or are harmful to children and their parents. More research has been done.  Using people-first language may lead to more shifts.  Maybe one day someone can study the changes in adoption lingo—and the advocacy it took to get there. 

    We can expect our language to continue to evolve as we learn more about adoption. We can hope that as we know better, we can do better.

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • Adoption Day

    Adoption Day

    Adoption Day – After over a year of waiting with many fits and starts, it was finally time for adoption day.  I explained to Precious Boy that we would go to court and see a judge who would make it so we could be a family.  PB said he didn’t want to go to court and be in front of a lot of people.  He was only convinced by the idea that we could have the same last name.  He was tickled by the idea that everyone in our family has the same last name.  He laughed and giggled at the thought.

    On our adoption day, we were off to the courthouse bright and early.  After wandering the halls, we finally made our way to the correct courtroom.  Soon the courtroom was full of our family members and friends who came to celebrate.  A friend remembers asking Precious Boy if he knew the people in the room. He said “I see my uncle, my Grandpa, but I don’t know those other people.”

    Precious Boy looked so small sitting with the judge at the front of the courtroom.  The judge gave him a bear.  When the judge asked how he was, I remember him clutching the bear and answering “good” in a soft voice.  😊 The judge spoke and I can’t even say I remember a word that was said.  

    PB made it official by banging the gavel.  As we took photos, I started to sing We Are Family.  PB told me sternly “don’t sing in court”.  (I was still beaming despite getting the PB death glare.)  We proudly held our heart sign as we left the courthouse for a celebration lunch.  (I had noticed many adoption days photos show children holding signs saying the number of days they waited to be adopted.  A friend had convinced me to make a heart sign instead.  I think it was the right choice instead of a mug shot.)            

    Judging by the photos that day, it looked like we had a great time celebrating.  A few years later, I read about how children may actually feel sad during days like Adoption Day or Welcome Days.  Adoptive families may be excited to celebrate, but a person who was adopted may feel sad and heartache.   At the time I remember asking PB about it about 3 years later. He said he was sad.  I felt terrible.  Recently I asked him and he said that he was just confused. Maybe he had all of those feelings and may continue to.

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • From Worries to Wonders: My Journey Into Adoption Part II

    From Worries to Wonders: My Journey Into Adoption Part II

    I wondered about myself as a parent, my future child and the child’s first parents.  (I will use “first parents”, because in our home we talk about how my child has many families who love him.)  I had heard stories about children who trash the house, hoard food, steal, set the house on fire, are oppositional, and the list goes on.  What would I say to the first parents if we ran into each on the train? (Did I say I have an active imagination? Can we say getting ahead of ourselves?)  My gut reaction to most of these situations was: I couldn’t deal with that!  Maybe this is not a good idea.” It was not, “Oh, how could I deal with these difficult situations?”  Ack! The Fear Factor!

    Spoiler alert: none of my worries have come to pass. 

    What has happened is that:  Together, we have made a family. I have a bright loving son.  I love him dearly. He is growing beautifully. He has helped me grow in ways I could never have expected. I have learned to advocate for my son and other black boys.  What I could not have imagined is that my theme song would be “What You Won’t Do for Love”.  

    Lots of things have happened that I could not have anticipated. Some days are hard! New ideas and worries—and possibilities—come up and I deal with them (with lots of help)!  We are blessed to be part of a beautiful community with many families who love my child and us.  I continue to meet and learn with and from other adoptive families. And I pray!

    And the story continues. The end has not been written yet. (Cue up the song: Every day, I Write the Book).

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

  • From Worries to Wonders: My Journey Into Adoption

    From Worries to Wonders: My Journey Into Adoption

    As I reflect on adopting, I realize that I had a lot of ideas—and questions and worries and concerns. I had lots of stories in my head.

    The idea to adopt first came to me when I was seven. I had a plan to adopt. And no, this was not an example of special powers of manifestation. My other plan to have twins named Denise and Dennis at age 27 did not happen. As a child I used to wonder if I was adopted.  I suspect that much of my early thinking about adoptions was inspired by the after school specials I watched on my TV babysitter.  

    As an adult, when I was ready to have a family, I came back to the idea of adopting. I learned that that would be the first of many decisions to be made. Public or private? Domestic or International? Age? Race?  Open or Closed adoption?

    I decided to adopt from the US and through the child welfare system. Thinking of all the children here in the US who need caring families and homes made me want to do a public adoption.  I later learned that black children are over-represented in the child welfare system as a result of racism and bias. The expense of private adoption was also daunting.  I was disturbed to find out that black children cost less to adopt.  Who knew? Many families may look to adopt babies and young children, but I wanted to adopt a black boy or girl who was 4-6 years old.  As a single, older mom, I didn’t want to go through the diaper stage alone.  I was willing to do an open adoption where we kept in contact with the first parents.

    Some of my ideas about adoption were questions and worries.  For over two years, I went back and forth, worried about what my family would think.  I could hear my mother’s voice telling me to have my own when I was younger. When I finally got up the courage to tell, my family was excited. My dad just insisted on a full battery of psychological testing.  (Bless his heart as they say!) Even after my son came home, I wondered what my mother would have thought if she were alive. (I finally had a dream with a vision of her being pleased. Phew!)  One worry off the list. 

    To be continued in Part II.

    Bea Hopewell

    © 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.

Black Moms Adopt

Black Moms Adopt is a blog about a black family along their adoption journey. The hope is to encourage black moms and families to adopt from foster care in the US.

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© 2026 Black Moms Adopt. All rights reserved.