Forever My Family

On a hot summer day, I welcomed my son to his “forever home.” Precious Boy “came home” with two big cardboard boxes. They were filled with small clothes, a Spiderman action figure, and two thin paperback books that might have come from a giveaway.

The social worker had forms and a few things to discuss in private. Precious Boy kept coming to me and interrupting. I realize now PB probably felt alone and didn’t know what to expect. There were no other kids. He was in a strange place after being in many strange places. As the social worker drove away, I watched waving and saying I love you.

And then he turned to me. I asked PB what he wanted to call me. He had a “Mommy” (his first mother) and a “Mami” from foster care. He settled on “Mama”. I can still picture him looking at me with big eyes saying my new name. He let me know how he pronounces his name–with great emphasis.

That afternoon was the start of the rest of our lives together. So began the work of figuring out together how we would be a family. Who would be to each other? Maybe he wondered: Is this Mama going to be like my ‘dreamed of’ new Mommy? Is this Mama going to be like my other mothers? In time I would see: How is this son like my ‘dreamed of’ son? How am I measuring up as a mother to my ‘dreamed of’ self as a mother? I am still finding out how being a mother in real life compares to my ideas of mothering and how I would be as a mother. (I am clear that in my ‘dreamed of’ parenting, I was far better!)

After many years of being an auntie, I found I had lots to learn about being a mother. I am so thankful for my family and friends who have joined our family as aunties, uncles and cousins and “other mothers”.

Bea Hopewell

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